You Don't Know Me
by daseyshipper
Summary: Casey gets a small chance to escape - from Derek, from her family, from a memory that plagues her. But, like anything involving Derek, it doesn't quite work out, and Casey is forced to choose between forgetting and holding on.
1. Forget About You

Hi all! I've been out of the fanfiction loop for awhile, but I got some inspiration and hopefully it will all work out this time! Like I said, not up to date, so if this sounds too similar to something else, PM me and let me know and we'll see if it's going in the same direction. Also, huge thanks to Carie Valentine for being a great beta!

**Note on canon fudging:** I needed Casey's father to not live in the States, but just two hours away. I KNOW, you shouldn't have to bend canon to write your fanfic, but it's AU as it is, and hey, it contributes to Casey's issues that he was so close and still didn't come by often. My apologies to the canon gods.

**Disclaimers: **Don't own LWD, or the Graham Colton song, which I recommend listening to while you read! Enjoy!

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_You Don't Know Me_

**Chapter 1 (Forget About You)**

Casey McDonald stormed into her bedroom and fell onto her bed. Holding a pillow over her face, she let out a frustrated scream.

"I need to get OUT OF HERE!" her muffled voice cried.

Derek was getting on her nerves again, but this time it wasn't bickering. Oh no, on the contrary: Derek was happy. And all he wanted to talk about was Sally. Sally likes those cupcakes. Sally has that shirt in red. Sally said the cutest thing on Monday. Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally, SALLY!

"ARGH!!" The pillow was thrown to the ground. She never thought she'd be so upset about Derek having a girlfriend. _Actually_, Casey thought bitterly, _I never thought I'd ever see Derek Venturi again. _She cursed her fate once more, the same way she had been since the "first" time she met her new stepbrother. Or at least, that's what everyone else thought. _Including Derek._

She took a deep breath to calm herself and reached over to switch on her stereo. As Graham Colton's "Forget About You" (Disc 2, Track 4, the same CD she'd had in that spot since she moved in) flowed through the speakers, she thought back once again to that night. A night she wished she could just forget, the way he did.

Casey was 14 years old and her father had been gone for a few months. She blamed her mother back then, but only slightly more than she blamed herself. She had tried to be a better daughter - studying even more, helping with the chores - but he left anyway. Every time she wanted to see him, he was "busy". So what was the point? she thought. On top of that, her mom was dating again, and she was furious. She hadn't turned into a "bad" kid, per se, but she tried to spend as little time home as possible. She started hanging out with a girl named Nicole, who was slowly building the same reputation as her older sister Kayla, who they often tagged along with. Kayla seemed to find a perverse pleasure in slightly corrupting the younger girls.

Casey would lie about whatever club meetings or practices she could - she did still go to SOME of them - or say that she was sleeping over someone's house and stay out doing what the adults would call "acting out" with a hint of "self-medicating". Yes, Casey would drink and flirt with all sorts of boys, go to parties in strangers' cars: anything not to think about going home to that tense, quiet house. She was surprised she lived through it sometimes when she thought back.

But there was one thing Casey hadn't been, and that was a slut. She never got so drunk that she'd lose her control over what was happening, and wouldn't take her interactions with guys too far. She was lucky no one had given her too difficult of a time. No, there had only been one special boy that her wild child self had slept with, had lost her virginity to...

Casey stumbled out of the late-night diner where she, Kayla, Nicole, and their friend Ellie had been sneaking rum into their sodas. Her hair was down and fell over one eye. Her lipstick had faded away from the drinks, but she was still heavily made-up elsewhere. A dark brushing of rouge enhanced her cheekbones, and blue eye-shadow twinkled over mascara'd eyelashes; it was exactly what you'd expect from a young girl trying too hard to hide how young and afraid she was. Of course, she hadn't realized this at the time. She wore a scoop-neck red top that showed off her not-quite-impressive-yet cleavage, and tight low-rise jeans that revealed the thong underneath. She was cold, yes, but that was the price they paid, the girls had told her.

"Ooh, look!" Kayla said, nodding at something ahead of them.

Casey looked over and slowly stopped giggling. At a dark end of the parking lot, leaning on a car, was a group of older teenage boys. There was one, a little younger than the others, facing her. He had a lean body underneath a leather jacket. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness as they traveled up his body to the angles of his face. Her breath caught and she was instantly mesmerized. He was beautiful… She jerked out of her reverie suddenly and realized her friends had just about left her behind as they sauntered toward the group. She put her head down and blushed, realizing how hard she must have been staring at the boy, and quickly ran up to everyone else, heels clicking on the pavement.

Her friends were introducing themselves to the other guys, twirling their hair. The younger boy stayed off to the side just a little, and as Casey got closer, she could see that he was incredibly drunk. This usually annoyed her; the boys Kayla had introduced her to were always too loud and too forward when they were drinking. This boy, though, was a quiet, brooding drunk - a rare find among the under-aged. The dark, glassy look in his eyes made him oddly more attractive.

"Hi," she started cautiously. "I'm Gabrielle." Gabrielle was the fake name she gave in those days, always slightly paranoid about what might come back to haunt her later.

The younger boy's eyes widened just a little, and he swayed a bit. "Derek." He narrowed his eyes again and took another swig from the bottle he had in his hand.

"So..." Casey looked around and hugged her arms around her chest. Damn, it was cold. "So, where do you go to school?"

"Thompson."

"I don't know where that is."

"You wouldn't, it's two hours away from here." Derek looked uncomfortable. He looked down, shuffling his feet just a little.

"Oh. So what are you doing out here?" Casey asked, trying her best to be cute and flirty. She still wasn't used to this.

Derek shrugged. "Stuff."

Casey was getting a little frustrated with the boy's reticence, but a little intrigued too. She moved closer until she was at Derek's side, pressing coyly against his arm. "You don't say much, huh? The strong silent type?" Aha, she'd gotten a smile! Actually, a smirk. A ridiculously hot smirk.

"I'm not sure what to say," the boy said, swaying and slurring. "You're too pretty to talk to." He sloppily draped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a meaningful look. Casey laughed involuntarily at his attempt to flirt. She felt comfortable with him, knowing that he was just as unsophisticated as she was at this.

They eventually found a few things to talk about: she found out that his parents were divorced too, and that they both had younger siblings. He told her he was learning guitar, and she talked a little about dance - she was too shy to tell him about ballet and tap. He loved horror movies, and she got scared almost immediately thinking about them. He put an arm around her as they sat on the ground, leaning against the car, and told her he'd protect her, his voice full of bravado. But mostly Derek would just try to make her laugh with all sorts of stupid jokes and faces. It worked. Derek was still drinking and being stupid, yes, but for some reason she didn't quite understand she was still incredibly attracted to him. She sort of felt like he didn't fit in with the rest of this crowd, that he was just a regular goofy kid hitting a rough patch just like she was, looking for an escape. It was the eyes, she realized.

The rest of the group had split off earlier into various couples that were alternating between drinking and groping. Casey had been absorbed in her conversation with Derek - and also in getting drunker herself - that she didn't notice that her friends had gone off into the woods that bordered the parking lot until she suddenly became aware of silence. She stopped suddenly, something vague nagging at her that maybe she should go after them, but her mind was still fuzzy and she wanted to stay with Derek. She was 14 and had no real sense of how utterly uninvincible teenagers were, contrary to their own opinion.

"Hey," she broke into the conversation, standing up clumsily. "Everyone left."

Derek managed to stand up as well, and looked around bleary-eyed. "I guess so."

Casey bit her lip. "You know what else?" Derek looked back at her, curious. "You haven't tried to kiss me yet."

Derek smiled that fantastic smile that she now knew so well and leaned into her. Despite how drunk they were, their tentativeness kept the kiss from being sloppy and awkward. Casey felt a shock of pleasure run through her from the sensation of his warm mouth.

"You're incredible," he murmured against her lips.

Casey was melting. She knew she shouldn't, but he sounded so sincere. Not like the other guys who leered at her and tried to feel her up. As she pressed against him, she felt a hardness and moaned into his mouth. This was turning her on more than any other time she'd been with a guy and she had no idea why. Derek pulled away slightly and stared down at her. Oh, right, she thought dreamily, those eyes.

"Do you want to, um, get in the car?" Derek asked.

Casey gulped. "Um, yeah. Sure." Well... she was cold.

They climbed awkwardly into the backseat of Derek's friend's car and continued kissing. Casey eventually ended up underneath Derek, out of comfort, she told herself. Truthfully, she loved the feel of his body on top of her, hard and warm, his hand moving up and down her body. Her naked side, actually ... she didn't really remember how her shirt had gotten removed, but everything felt so good...

"Gabrielle," he whispered against her neck.

"Uh huh..."

"I have a... uh... a condom..." Was he nervous or just out of it? She didn't know. She didn't know why she was letting it get so far at all, but her head was swimming with pleasure and alcohol. Yeah, alcohol was always a good excuse for acting this way.

"Um," Casey started, her body tingling as he trailed his hand up her side again. He was cupping her breast, rubbing a finger across her nipple. She thrust involuntarily upward and felt him against her again. "Um, yeah... yeah, ok."

Derek slowly lifted himself off of her and she shivered. She wanted him back, touching every part of her body, holding her. She wanted his scent all around her again, to run her fingers through his hair. Her eyes closed and she felt her body arching, begging for him. And then suddenly it was all there again. He had removed both their remaining clothes, and he was lying on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his back as he guided himself into her. It took him a little while, and she tried to help, but she was out of it too. When he was almost in, she couldn't take it anymore, and moaned breathlessly,

"I need you. Please."

Then with one hard thrust, she screamed, and lost her virginity.

It was sort of like ripping off a Band-Aid, she had thought at the time. The pain came once, and then quieted. They continued, moaning and gasping, until he came. He buried his face in her hair and she swallowed back her tears. Despite how sore she was, she wanted him to stay inside of her forever. She dreamily realized he still didn't know her real name.

"WHOOOOOOO!" They were ripped from their half-sleep by Derek's friends pounding on the window. Yes, this was exactly how Casey had pictured her first time. She thought this was probably how she got to be so frigid afterward. After Derek's head shot up, she heard him groan. He looked green. Oh shit.

She pushed, and Derek managed to get off of her and lean out the opposite door before he vomited. Casey quickly threw on her clothes and forced her way out of the car.

One of Derek's friends had rushed around to where he was vomiting and caught sight of the condom, covered in blood.

"Hey Jimmy!" he laughed, "You might want to check out your backseat, dude!"

As Casey joined her friends, Jimmy peeked into his car. "Ah shit, a virgin! Nice going, you little fucker!" he laughed. Derek lifted his head up to yell at them to shut up, but it didn't come out so well. Casey was so embarrassed, she grabbed Ellie and ran away crying to Kayla's car.

"Gabrielle," she heard behind her, "I'm sorry! Forget about..." The voice was cut off as she slammed the car door and waited for Kayla and Nicole to come over and drive away. She looked out the window through tear-filled eyes, and watched one of Derek's friends pull him back into the car before they sped away.

And just like that, the most intense spark Casey had ever felt had ended. She knew it was stupid to be hanging on to one drunken night with someone she barely knew, but it was her virginity. And then to find out that he didn't even remember her? And have to spend every day getting to know him even more? It was torture, and she just wanted to let it go already. Every time she thought she had found someone who could make her forget, or that Derek would finally frustrate her so much that she could just move on, there would be a moment that made it all rush back again. For this, Casey had a routine. She would allow herself just an hour or two to wallow in it, and then throw herself into some sort of project or schoolwork. Or she'd pick a fight if she could, so that she would just feel mad at him instead of... whatever. She liked this option better, because it was at least a little cathartic for her. But she could never say what she really wanted to get off her chest.

When Casey came face to face with Derek at their pre-marriage family meeting, her mind became instant chaos. She was happy for a split second, until it hit her who he was now: her stepbrother. After spending several minutes trying to send him some sort of look and getting only a weird eyebrow raise in return, she was slapped in the face with the realization that he really had no idea who she was. She cornered him in the one moment that she was able to, and asked nervously,

"Derek? Do I know you from somewhere?"

Derek had scoffed at her. "Uh, I _am_ Derek Venturi, so probably." He smirked, but this time it just made her furious. Rather than be hurt again, she decided that it wasn't worth it. Why bring extra problems into an already awful situation? And besides, now that she knew what a jerk he was, she could move on.

But deep down, she never did, even though she dismissed these times as simply temporary insanity. There were many times in the early months when these moments got so intense she almost wanted to break and tell Derek who she was, but she always pushed it back. She couldn't be hurt by him again, and she couldn't do that to her family. Sleeping with her stepbrother?! What would everyone think!? Not to mention having to tell her mother what she had been doing back then. No, no, she had to just shut up and forget. And as time went by and the rest of the family became closer, the window of opportunity narrowed and she and Derek became like siblings, in everyone's eyes but Casey's. Yes, she had to just shut up and forget.

**--**

"Casey, could you come down here a minute?" Nora yelled up the stairs.

Casey made her way down and greeted her mother in the dining room. "What's up, Mom?"

"Sit down. I want to discuss something with you." She looked especially serious, and Casey became nervous. Once she was seated, Nora started again.

"Your father called and mentioned he was going on a business trip for the next week and a half, and is trying to convince me to let you come up and house-sit for him."

Casey could barely contain her excitement. "Oh my god, are you serious!? That's fantastic!"

Nora held up hand. "Now hold on, I didn't say yes. The only reason I'm even considering it is because I noticed you've been very stressed lately. It's about time for you to start applying to university, right?"

"Yeah," she jumped on the excuse. "It's super stressful. And who can get any work done in this house?" Casey gestured, directing her mother's attention to the sounds around them. Slowly, Nora became aware of the crashes and explosions of Edwin's video game, the shrieking laughter of Marti's play-date with Dimi, and the shouts of Derek's street hockey game coming through the window.

Nora gave her an understanding nod. "I suppose I have to get used to you being on your own. You'll be entering your senior year, and then you'll be off to uni-" Nora stopped, and put a hand over her eyes, which were getting misty. "Uni- ohhh!" She fanned her face.

"Uh, Mom? Are you... okay?" Casey asked, staring at her mother strangely.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." Nora dabbed at her tears with a napkin, and smiled, catching her breath. "If you want to go, I was thinking we could consider this a test-run. You'll have a fully equipped house, and if you need anything, I'm just two hours away, and there's a hospital right down the street, and ohhh!" Nora trailed off again.

"Mom, I'll be fine!" she rushed over to hug her mother. "I would love the break to work on my applications in _peace_!" she cried. Casey didn't mention, of course, that she would be beyond thrilled to have a break from hearing about Derek and Sally.

"I know, I know, and your father said I need to be strong. You're a smart, responsible young woman." Nora took a deep breath. "Are you sure about this, Casey? And you promise me you won't get into any trouble? And you'll lock yourself in at all times? And don't talk to strangers? And..."

"Mom!" she interjected loudly over her mother's rambling. Then more calmly, she said, "I promise, everything will be okay. Like you said, I just need the break to relax and work. I'll check in every day, and the whole trip will be incredibly boring."

Nora sighed. "Okay. You do deserve it. I'll call your father - he'll be very happy."

Casey squealed happily. "Thanks, Mom!" she exclaimed, giving her a big hug. "I'll go pack!"


	2. In All the World

AN: This is a shorter chapter, but I should have Chapter 3 on the way MUCH sooner than this last update, and things will heat up! R&R please, and thanks again to Carie Valentine for awesome beta-ing. Oh, also, this is AU, and in that AU, this is the summer before senior year, and Casey found another job and saved up for her own crappy used car.

Disclaimer: Don't own LWD or its characters, which is fine, because I don't really want anything to do with these Sally-centric episodes! :P

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**Chapter 2 (In All the World)**

_Wednesday_

Late that afternoon, Casey made the drive up to her father's house with little trouble. It was in a nice suburb of Toronto; not terribly far from the condo they'd been in before Nora married George. She didn't intend to see any of her old "friends" while she was here; on the contrary, she was relieved she'd been able to move soon after that "incident" with Derek. The wild child life was definitely not for her.

No, this trip was all about Casey. She was just going to relax in a nice, peaceful house and get all of her applications ready. She'd be so happy once she could have a _permanent_ vacation from Derek - she already knew she wouldn't apply ANYWHERE near London. Derek would most likely stay at a community college there, and Casey wanted to run as far as possible from him. Maybe even to the States.

Casey let herself in using the key her father had left buried in the soil of a large plant towards the side of the house. Not the best choice for someone concerned enough to let her house-sit, but Dennis had called last-minute after his usual friend cancelled, so it was the most surreptitious option available. Her dad had moved into the townhouse after the divorce, since her parents had found it more amicable to sell the one they owned together and split the profits. She'd only come here occasionally (when her dad wasn't too busy), but she knew well the earth tones of the kitchen and its large oak table, the dark finished wood of the living room walls, the carpeted staircase up to the two bedrooms... It was all still colored with memories.

After she had organized her things in the guest room she and Lizzie used to share, Casey tried to call her mom to check in but got a busy signal. She'd try again later. Right now, she was starving.

Casey had brought some groceries of her own and made herself a healthy tofu dish with a small salad. She read some college brochures while she ate and made notes. Nothing made Casey more relaxed than organization. Her notebook was soon filled with charts and lists and the margins of the brochures were decorated with crisply penned questions and criticisms (Casey never scribbled). She was beginning to gleefully contrive a scoring system when she noticed she'd been working for almost two hours with no interruption or annoyance. Maybe after a few days she would miss Lizzie's soccer triumphs or Nora's flusters through the house, but right now, silence was golden.

After cleaning up, she brought a small table, where she could rest her laptop and tea, over to the couch, and took a deep breath. Smiling happily to herself, she opened up her word processor to start typing out some essay ideas. No sooner were her fingers hovering above the keyboard than the doorbell rang.

Standing up cautiously, Casey picked up the cordless phone and made her way to the door with it. You know, in case she had to call someone or... hit someone with a blunt object. Okay, she was a little freaked out, but it was probably just a friend of her father's. Holding her breath, she looked through the peephole.

And screamed.

Casey threw open the door. "DEREK!"

"Hey sis!" Derek smiled and pushed through the door, throwing his duffel bag haphazardly onto a chair. "Aw, sweet TV!" he said, running past her to hop on the black leather couch that faced the 52" flat screen. He was reaching for the remote when Casey snatched it away.

"What are you DOING here?" Casey shrieked.

"Needed to get away from Sally, she was getting a little clingy. Dad said you had this sweet set-up to yourself and I thought, hey, change of scenery! Does your dad have a sports package?" he finished, pointing to the TV.

Casey scoffed. "Change of girl scenery, you mean. You just came up here to goof off and play with some Toronto girls."

"Now, Casey, that would be _very _irresponsible of me! And to think, I came all the way up here to make sure you were safe," Derek faked concern.

"Oh please! Who would believe that?"

"Dad," Derek shrugged. "And Nora, oddly enough. I think it was because she was rushing out to pick Lizzie up from camp. She forgot again." He rolled his eyes.

The phone rang in Casey's hand. "Hello?!" she answered angrily.

Derek could hear Nora's frantically apologetic voice through the receiver but couldn't make out the words. The truth was he hadn't come here because Sally was getting clingy - the problem was Sally wasn't clingy enough. They'd been together a few months now, and Derek was ready for it to get physical, and had been for a while. Sally, on the other hand, disagreed. So he figured he'd use the same strategy he did when he was trying to date her - be unavailable and watch her come crawling. _Ooh, crawling... _

"But Mom!" Derek looked over at a shrieking Casey and smirked. God, he loved making her angry.

He'd gone over to Sally's straight from his street hockey game. Sally's parents often worked late and three of her brothers had their own dorms or apartments by their schools, so on days they both had off, Derek would come over and hope the last brother was somewhere else with his girlfriend.

Derek had been particularly excited today because they'd been alone and watching "The Dreamers," but Sally had turned him down once again. He wasn't going to push her, of course. Instead, he stood up frustrated and left. Not the most mature thing, he knew, but she'd be begging for him to come back soon enough. And even better when he realized he could make himself as unavailable as possible by coming up here, not to mention bug the hell out of Casey. Besides, an empty house by the city? Sweet! All he had to do was convince George that he too needed some time to de-stress and "work on his applications." And did Nora _really _want to leave her daughter _all alone_?

With Nora feeling guilty about forgetting Lizzie and George being clueless and stressed as usual, it had been a piece of cake.

"Fine! But you tell him to keep quiet and stay away and ... not be Derek!" Casey cried, tossing the phone at him.

"Hi Nora," Derek said with a grin. "Don't worry, I'm here to relax too, and I'm looking forward to getting Casey's input on my applications. She's SO good at that stuff," he continued sweetly. "Oh Casey," he called, feigning worry, "I don't think you can put that in the oven."

"What, what is it?" Nora cried loudly over the phone.

"It's alright, Nora, I'll keep an eye on her," Derek winked. Casey glared at him. "Okay, you guys have a good night, we'll call you tomorrow. Uh-huh, bye-bye."

Derek hung up the phone and grabbed his bag. "So where's my room?" he asked, already running up the stairs.

Casey stood in the middle of the living room, arms crossed, furious. "This will not end well."


	3. Curse of Curves

**Chapter 3 (Curse of Curves)**

_Thursday_

"Hey, pass the popcorn."

"It's _right next _to you," Casey said through gritted teeth. She had been trying to stay as calm as possible. She'd decided last night that it did her no good to react the way Derek wanted her to when she had no way out of this situation, and couldn't force Derek to leave. So even though she'd pretty much had to follow Derek around making sure the damage he did to her father's house was minimal and had no quiet time to work on her applications until tonight, Casey was determined to --

"GOOOOOOOOAAAALLL!" Derek yelled, jumping out of the armchair.

"That's IT!" Casey pushed back from her laptop and stood up. "All you've done since you got here yesterday is annoy me. You've already made a mess of Dad's room, eaten half the food," she ticked the problems off on her fingers, "and you insist on loudly watching hockey."

"And?" Derek asked, his mouth full of popcorn.

"IT'S JULY!" She threw a pillow at him. "They're OLD games!"

Derek recovered, his hair disheveled. "Can't a man enjoy a rerun?" he asked, gesturing helplessly.

"Oh, you think you're a man now?" Casey replied bitterly.

"I've certainly got the reputation," Derek said, smirking. Casey stared at him, torn between disgust and curiosity, but ultimately sat back down defeated. She glared at his profile as he became engrossed in the game again. The first time she'd met him, his hair had been the same messy longer style that it was now, and she remembered just how much she enjoyed him disheveled...

"I'm going upstairs," she said abruptly, navigating around the popcorn residue and soda can by his chair.

Derek chuckled and shoved popcorn into his mouth as he listened to Casey's fading footsteps. He was impressed; she'd cracked a lot later than he'd expected. He'd thought stealing her breakfast plate while she was taking in the paper this morning would've done it. Or using one of her t-shirts to wash his car. Maybe he'd be nice and bring up her laptop so she could keep working on her applications.

"GOOOAAAAAALL!"

Maybe after the game.

--

Derek crept up the stairs with Casey's laptop under his arm. He heard music playing in her room and thought he might catch her off guard. As he got closer, he realized he knew the song. Well, not personally, but Casey seemed to play it a lot at home and he recognized the tune. "_I am useless, young and stupid, for thinking I'd get over you..." _Derek rolled his eyes. She was always wallowing and whining about some guy.

When he got to the room, the door was slightly ajar and he was able to open it quietly. He peeked in and almost dropped the laptop. He quickly pulled the door back.

Casey had been lying on her bed, eyes closed, in only a bra and jeans. He felt his blood rush in spite of himself. _What the hell? _he thought to himself.

Cursing himself silently the entire time, he found himself easing open the door just enough to see Casey's body on the bed again. She was perfectly curved between her chest and hips: a feminine curve that Derek always loved running his hands over on other women. He traced the curve up with his eyes until they landed on the ample flesh above her bra cup. Her ragged breath made them move slightly. Actually, there was something strange about her breathing. Derek's eyes moved up her neck to her smooth cheek, where a glistening track had formed. _Oh shit._

He pulled the door back again and walked stealthily back to the top of the stairs. He caught his breath and waited for the heat to leave his face from a sudden embarrassment that had taken hold. Turning to face the other direction, he now made very clear footsteps in the direction of her door and knocked loudly.

"Hey Case, you want to stop playing that crappy music?!"

Casey sprung off the bed and roughly swiped at her cheeks. "Wait, don't come in!" She threw her shirt back on, upset that her peace had been disrupted yet again. Okay, maybe not peace, but solitude. She opened the door to a grinning Derek who held up her laptop.

"Ignoring your applications again - when WILL you learn how to keep your mind on work?" Derek made a "tsk tsk" sound and shook his head as he entered the room. He dropped himself onto the bed casually while Casey gave him a dirty look from the door. "So listen, I'm sorry I've been giving you a hard time, I know you have a lot to get done."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "An apology? What are you up to?"

Derek shrugged. "Don't want to ruin the chances of you moving out." Casey just rolled her eyes in response, so Derek continued. "Anyway, tomorrow's Friday, I'll be out on the town and completely out of your way. And," he stopped and made a gesture denoting generosity, "you can play your music as loudly as you like. In fact, I strongly suggest you have it on when I make my way home."

Casey made a disgusted noise and pulled him off her bed. "Goodnight, Derek," she said bitterly as she shoved him out the door. She ran her hands through her hair and threw herself back down on the bed. She didn't have the energy to argue with him about bringing girls home, to her father's bed no less. She was still having a hard time being back in her old town, in her dad's house, alone with him.

After the divorce, she'd come visit her dad here, but didn't want to think about what was happening to her family. Instead, she'd relive the physical and mental sensations this boy named Derek had awakened in her, and wish she could feel that connection - that spark - one more time. She hadn't had sex with anyone else after that; Casey wasn't that girl. She lived on fantasy, and wondered what had happened to that sweet guy she'd met. And now she knew: he was still there, buried underneath the most infuriating man she'd ever met. Both parts of him, unfortunately, attracted her more every day.

So here she was in this house of memories, with no one else to focus on to get her mind off of everything Derek did. And Derek? He was oblivious. He knew her as nothing but his stepsister, who he would annoy on more levels than he knew by banging other girls against her wall. Her mind drifted over the thought with more sadness than anger. Would he forget them too, she wondered? Probably not. It was only she that he found unworthy of memory. Casey rolled over and groaned.

Her relaxing vacation had turned into 24/7 Derek Obsessing and it was going to kill her.

--

Derek laid down in the master bedroom and exhaled. Damn, Casey had a nice body. He'd noticed it back when she first moved in, but then, well, she spoke. Once he realized he had a super-keener with a controlling streak in his house, retaining the rule over the den of slack was what had mattered. But now that they were out of London, and he was so ...unsatisfied, the thought of her body was really getting to him. It had been tough sticking to his usual banter when she opened the door. Too tough, actually, and the realization was unsettling.

He heard that same song start again in Casey's room, and like a conditioned reaction, he began to picture her the way she was listening to it just minutes before. He felt his body heat up again and he grew hard. God, he had to get laid. _Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies... _

Derek muffled a small groan of frustration with a pillow. Maybe he should just go back home and talk to Sally. He hadn't been able to change her mind so far, though, and he didn't think he'd been gone long enough for her to be past the anger stage yet. Unfortunately, despite his desire for some outside attention and his bragging to Casey, he really had no intention of cheating on Sally. That was just a reputation he capitalized on to keep the admiration coming, making it seem like some of the other girls had a shot of tempting him. He had dabbled in some dumb things when he was younger, spurred by anger over his parents' divorce, but he never really wanted to take advantage of people so meaninglessly.

The problem was that Kendra had been, well... energetic in the sex department. And to go from that to nothing with continued nothingness was taking its toll on his hormones. He'd thought coming up here and spending time with serious-student Casey would dampen his excitement, but now to find himself trapped with suddenly-sexy Casey? This was going to kill him.

_No, I can handle this, _Derek coached himself. _It's just Casey. And what doesn't kill me..._

_...Makes me stronger_, Casey resolved. _Right?_

_Right?_


	4. I Can't Forget

Hey all, I know it's been ages since I posted an update. Consequently, this is now even more AU since Sally's already - FINALLY! - out of the picture. I'm really going to try to finish this up before it's even more out of date, but I say that every chapter.

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**Chapter 4 (I Can't Forget)**

Friday proceeded about the same as Thursday, except that Casey spent most of the day in her room working, and Derek always knocked when he needed to talk to her. He had the sense that she was avoiding him for a reason other than her irritation, because she looked more exhausted than angry whenever he saw her. He dismissed it as typical keener stressing about her essays and went about his business - made some lunch, watched some TV, ignored another call from Sally. Edwin had probably told her where he'd gone by now anyway. He wondered if maybe she'd even be jealous of him being alone with Casey. Derek paused, a strange sensation passing over him when he thought of Casey making Sally jealous. Before he could consider what the notion meant, he decided to shake it off and turn back to hockey. He had to stop thinking of Casey that way... not that he'd ever started... _ok, less thinking, more hockey_.

In the afternoon, Derek spent a little while deciding between a blue cotton dress shirt or a black silk dress shirt to go out that night. He remembered a few clubs from the days when he used to come up here with some older friends, Jimmy, Rob, and Garrett. Jimmy's dad used to live up in Toronto and legally had him on weekends. The problem was neither of them cared to spend any time with each other, but his mother insisted on sending him out to Toronto so she could have her weekends to herself anyway. So, Jimmy would take Derek, Rob, and Garrett (and Garrett's fake ID) up with him, and they'd do whatever the hell they wanted. There were more than a few blurry nights from that era, and a couple of blurry girls as well.

Derek didn't feel so great about that part, but back then the hangovers were just a little worse than the guilt. It was part of the reason Derek didn't party like he used to: he did not react well to alcohol, and it didn't take much for him to forget what he did. Not one to damage his reputation at Thompson High, he would sometimes water down or toss some of the drinks he was given when no one was looking, or chase shots immediately. By the end of the night, the others were too drunk to really notice that he wasn't, or they just thought he could handle his liquor. Sam was the only one who really knew all the backstory.

But those days were over for him; he'd learned his lesson young. Of course, the residual reputation wasn't all bad. He wondered if the Venturi legend would still help him in Toronto.

_Better go with the black shirt_, he thought. _Just in case._

The evening went on and dinner came. Each step-sibling made their own quick meal (mac and cheese for Derek, and herb roasted chicken with rice pilaf for Casey) and ended up sitting at the table together.

Casey cleared her throat. "So, where are you going tonight?"

"A few clubs," Derek said, shrugging. He looked at her curiously. "Why?"

Casey made a frustrated gesture with her fork. "I can't just ask?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't thinking of tagging along or something," Derek replied, just as annoyed. He didn't know why _she_ was irritated when _he _was the one going crazy with sexual frustration. He was starting to wonder how faithful he should stay to Sally tonight, considering the sight of Casey on her bed yesterday had made this a hundred times worse than it was when he got here. Derek didn't want to be a bad guy, but he was no saint either.

Casey was annoyed because she felt like she was going crazy. In her mind, she still had some weird thread of hope that Derek had some harbored feeling for her that he would discover in some miraculous flashback to their night together. Being an avid reader of romance novels had been warping her perspective of things, she decided. The expense of keeping that fantasy alive after years of disappointment was finally starting to weigh on her and she didn't want to feel like this anymore. It'd been over two days spent alone together and Derek was still treating her like an annoying stepsister. Why did she keep holding on to some romantic ending when Derek had never given her any hint of feeling? Maybe this time, she thought, she could finally let this all go when none of it came true.

"I had no intention of following you, Derek." _No, this is going to be the night I get over you. This will be the last night I spend wallowing over you. I'm not following you or this demented attraction anymore_, Casey decided.

--

Derek pulled into a parking spot near one of the all-ages clubs, in Casey's car. His was running low on gas and, frankly, hers was a lot nicer than the Prince.

Derek paid his cover and entered a room full of flashing lights in several colors, where he was immediately assaulted by the techno music reverberating around every inch of him. Navigating through the crowd, he managed to find the bar in a raised area on the other side of the dance floor. Derek had a fake ID, but he was driving and had no idea how long he'd be staying anywhere, so he ordered a soda. He turned around to survey the dance floor, but a fourteen-year-old in a glittery blue tube top and black vinyl pants had already sidled up next to him.

"Hey you," she said flirtatiously. Derek stared down at the obviously younger girl, a blonde with roots showing, who was wearing about a pound of make-up. Was she joking?

"Uh, hi," he answered uncomfortably, turning back to the dance floor. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to her with an arched eyebrow.

"Do you wanna dance?" she asked.

"Not right now, thanks though," he said, trying to brush her off politely with a smile.

"That's too bad," the girl said, pouting. "I'm here with one of my girlfriends, and we both think you're really hot." As she spoke, she gestured to a blonde girl, about the same age as her, in a shirt that probably cost fifty dollars for the three inches of fabric she'd gotten, and the same vinyl pants as her friend. Derek smirked. They were learning the game early these days. Still, he wasn't interested in someone Lizzie's age.

_Hmm, Lizzie_, he thought suddenly, looking around at all the younger girls in the club. _We might have to have a talk when I get home_...

"Thanks, but uh, no thanks," Derek said to the girl. He finished his soda and walked to another room of the club. He might be in a physical void for the moment, but even he wasn't going to indulge in the barely pubescent STD twins.

The new room was playing hip-hop instead of techno, and the epileptic nightmare of lights had been forsaken for simple dim lighting, but the crowd was pretty much the same: young girls, a few boys the same age mostly acting like idiots, a few creepy older guys. Derek scanned for anyone who might be a few years past their training bra, but it suddenly occurred to him that he was probably the oldest one there aside from some very sketchy looking guys grinding against girls half their age. He wondered why he'd enjoyed these places so much when he was younger.

_Probably because I _was_ the fourteen-year-old delinquent. And back then, I didn't have a fake ID._

Derek exited the club and went to find another place he could get into. The first 19+ club didn't accept his ID and he was lucky the bouncer just handed it back to him with a threatening look. After a tip from someone else walking by, he found another club who was a little lighter on the fake IDs. Some of the kids were still a little younger, but they had been people that could believably pass for the age on the ID so that the owners could still claim ignorance.

Derek went to the bar and ordered a light beer. He sipped on it casually as he once again surveyed the room. This was much better. While most people might think he went for the colorful, made-up, short-skirt-wearing type, he actually had a thing for natural, fresh-faced girls like Sally and Sandra. They were definitely outnumbering the former category here, though there were also more men in this club. He waited for someone to approach him for a while, but nothing happened.

_Huh, the girls here are pretty shy_, he thought.

Leaving the more casual bar area, Derek entered a connecting room with a dance floor. House music played and lights flashed, but not as erratically as they had in the first club. He took a minute to look around before walking over to a group of girls sitting in one of the booths on the side of the dance floor.

"Excuse me ladies, would you mind if I join you?" Derek asked, putting on his most charming smile. He did not get the reaction he expected, however.

"Sorry, we're having a girls night right now," one of the other girls responded with disgust. Derek was caught off-guard but recovered.

"Hey, I understand, I was just looking for someone to dance with and..."

"She said we're alone tonight, okay?" the redhead snapped at him. The three girls rolled their eyes at each other.

_Ouch_. Derek arched an eyebrow and quickly spun around to make his exit. _That's alright, D, they weren't that great anyway. Go for the one-on-one._

The dance floor was not quite full and Derek felt uncomfortable dancing by himself, but he tried to do it anyway. He made his way over to two girls - a redhead with a long skirt and white tank top, and a brunette in a short but classy black dress - dancing together and tapped the brunette on the shoulder.

"Wanna dance?" he shouted over the music.

The girl shook her head and pointed off to the side of the room. "I'm with my boyfriend!" she shouted back. Derek nodded in understanding and gestured an invitation to the girl's friend.

The redhead gave him a look as though he were a moron. "You just asked her!" she pointed to her friend. "I'm not a leftover!" The two girls turned away.

Derek was trying to figure out if he'd wandered into the local feminist bar as he walked off the dance floor to the bar once again. He sat down on a stool there, still nursing his beer. He suddenly realized that he hadn't told the girls his name. Time to bust out the reputation.

A blonde had just come in and sat at the bar. She looked to be about his age and pretty cute, so he gave her a minute and then timed his approach so that he could pay for her drink.

The blonde turned at the money being passed around her arm. When she saw Derek, she grinned. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'm Derek Venturi, and you are?" He offered his hand.

The blonde shook his hand lightly in response. "Nicole." She stared at him curiously. "Did you say 'Derek Venturi'?"

Derek smiled with relief at the success of his plan. "You've heard of me?" he said, feigning modesty.

"Yes," the blonde answered. "I just don't know where or why. But you look very familiar."

_Uh oh._

--

Casey sat on the couch in a camisole and shorts, meditating. Always an overachiever with a flair for the dramatic, Casey had decided that it would be perfectly reasonable to take every way she knew to focus on getting over Derek and cram them all into one Last Night ritual for herself. She had listened to her "Derek song" for what she insisted to herself was the last time. She had made herself a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream and sat down to remind herself, in a rather corny way, how she deserved to be happy and have good things like ice cream and not horribly mean and annoying things like Derek. It sort of helped that when she went to put away her ice cream bowl, she noticed that Derek had taken her car. After starting to throw a fit, she decided instead to take a calming bath in some scented oils, and then meditate.

With her legs folded under her and a picture of Derek having served as part of her candlelight fodder, Casey sat in the dark breathing and repeating affirmations to herself.

"I am a strong woman. I can do anything I want. I can get over this ... no, I _am_ over this meaningless encounter. I will not spend any more unnecessary time thinking about Derek or that night. From this day on, Derek Venturi will not affect me as anything more than an obnoxious, self-centered, inconsiderate..." She stopped and breathed deeply. "I am a strong woman..."

--

Derek parked the car in front of Dennis' house, still shaking his head in disbelief. He was starting to wonder what he'd expected to accomplish with this night out, but whatever it was, it wasn't a face full of Bacardi. He tried to make sense of what had happened back at the bar...

He and Nicole had been having a perfectly normal and flirtatious conversation at the bar, when suddenly her eyes had widened.

"Now I know who you are!" she'd exclaimed in the middle of his sentence about living in London. Before he knew what was happening, he had been doused with a rum and coke and Nicole was grabbing her purse.

"What the hell was that for?" Derek had yelled instinctively.

"For," Nicole had started, then paused before finishing with a smile, "Gabrielle." And then she had just walked out.

"Women," Derek muttered to himself as he tried each key on Casey's keychain to unlock the front door. He didn't know a Gabrielle. At least he didn't think he did. Did he? He wished he hadn't been such a complete ass back when he was younger. He was still trying to think of exactly who Gabrielle was when the door opened to the fiery eyes of a very angry Casey.

At first she'd been relieved to look out the peephole and see that Derek had returned alone, until she reminded herself that she had no reason to be jealous, because she, Casey McDonald, was in no way interested in Derek Venturi _any more._ Instead she focused on the real issue: her car.

Casey tore the keys from his hand. "I don't remember you asking to take my car," she said with a fake sweetness.

Derek shrugged. "I didn't." He squeezed past her and Casey caught a whiff of the alcohol on him.

"Jesus, Derek, how much did you drink?" she said, following him into the laundry alcove where he removed his shirt.

"Not enough. This was an act of revenge apparently, for someone named Gabrielle that I apparently did something awful to."

The name made Casey stop in her tracks. "Who?" she asked, and held her breath for the answer.

Derek continued casually as he wiped at his chest with one of the towels nearby. "I was talking to this girl Nicole, totally normal, until she freaks out and throws a drink on me to avenge some friend I don't even know. I mean, I _think_ I don't..." he said, furrowing his brow.

Before she knew what she was doing, Casey had rushed up to him. The thoughts flew out of Derek's head once more as the scents from Casey's bath surrounded him and her hands pressed against his chest.

"Are you sure?" Casey asked earnestly.

Derek wasn't really sure of anything right now as Casey's eyes caught his with a sort of desperation he hadn't really seen before. Not toward him anyway. It seemed like she wanted something from him... no, wait.. like she wanted... him. His eyes took in the shape of her body once again, her silky camisole floating across the smooth skin of her chest. He looked into her eyes again, and felt a familiar longing.

Casey backed away when she realized what she was doing. _Damn it, I'm not supposed to care about this anymore!_

"Uh, sorry," she muttered and ran upstairs.

Derek felt suddenly cold as Casey's feminine warmth disappeared. He stayed in shock for a second, thinking about how surreal this night had been so far. That could not have been lust in Casey's eyes, no way. He thought he must be hallucinating because it'd been so long since he saw that kind of raw emotion for him. Sally certainly never looked at him that way. He had asked himself just before what going out clubbing in Toronto was meant to help, and it occurred to him now what had been missing for him recently: pure, honest need. It was probably stupid of him to think he'd find that in some liquor-soaked hole in the wall, but never in a million years did he think he'd see it in Casey.

Derek found himself at the bottom of the stairs, becoming aware of the soft music drifting from Casey's room.

_I don't get you_

_I can't forget what you've forgotten, all along_

_I've never been so alone_

_Don't cry out_

_Cease fire_

He didn't really think about what would happen or what could go wrong if he went up there. He never really thought about those things. He just kind of wanted to see if he was imagining all this.

Casey was pacing across her room. She had vented to Nicole a few times after that night in the parking lot; lamenting how she'd used her fake name and how she wished she could meet Derek again, but she wasn't sure how to find him and didn't want to go chasing some boy who was two hours away. It was probably this regret that made her such a determined person later. Anyway, she hadn't found out his last name until she met him again at the pre-marriage dinner, and she'd immediately called Nicole to tell her. They had grown apart by that time, and it was one of their last conversations, but Nicole had apparently remembered this information.

She heard a knock on her door and froze. She honestly didn't know if she should see Derek now or not. She was so disappointed in herself that all her work tonight had gone right out the window because of a chiseled chest and the slim chance that Derek might have remembered some feeling for her. If he ever had any.

Another knock, more hesitant now. It did her no good to hide, Casey guessed. She couldn't get away from someone she lived with. Not for another year anyway. Hesitantly, she walked to the door and opened it.

"Yeah?" she asked as casually as she could.

"Hey." His voice came out rougher than he'd expected. She was still in her skimpy pajamas and he felt his body involuntarily ache for her again.

Casey fought the menagerie of fantasies that tried to play themselves out in her head. How many times had she daydreamed about a moment just like this: both of them half-clothed, no one around, just feet from a bed, as he approached her with a deep, gruff voice full of desire like the one he'd... just...used?

_No no no, not happening._

The silence seemed to go on forever.

"Um, did you want something?" Casey finally asked, toying with one of her rings. Damn it, she was playing into her damn fantasies again, _damn it Casey, damn it!_

Derek was just as confused as she was, because the answer to that question was scaring him. "I, um, uh..." he continued to stutter until she looked up at him again. She pursed her lips into a sort of expectant pout, and Derek found himself mesmerized.

_Your fascination with naked walls of silk and skin_

_With no conditions_

_I needed you to notice..._

"Yeah," he said quietly, and, feeling like a complete lunatic, he leaned down to meet her perfect pink mouth.

_That's all I wanted_

_Don't cry out_

_Cease fire_


	5. All These Things That I've Done

AN: Hi all, it's been AGES since I updated, but I am absolutely intent on finishing this story since I never finished the last one. I don't care if the series is over, this one's getting done! :) Anyway, let me know what you think of the morning after, and there is way more to come!

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**Chapter 5 (All These Things That I've Done)**

_Saturday_

It was one of those things that had "just happened."

As clarity came in the morning, Derek was suddenly faced with the reality of what he'd done: he had kissed Casey. He'd figured it would stop there with a slap in the face and a lot of explaining to do to keep his ego intact. Despite that prediction, he hadn't been able to stop himself from tasting her, just once. He blamed it on the dim lighting, the late hour, the music, them being alone together, how sexually frustrated he was, and that damn outfit that showed off inch after inch of porcelain skin still glistening from her bath. He came up with every excuse he could to deny that Casey was actually incredibly attractive and he'd probably been curious about being with her for longer than he'd ever admit to himself.

But there was no slap and there was no explanation. There were barely even words. Casey had kissed him back, which took him by complete surprise, and also sent a fire through him he'd never expected. When she had pulled away to take a breath, he couldn't even understand the all-consuming need to have her pressed against him again. He had noticed tears forming in her eyes, even though she turned her face down so he wouldn't see.

"Should I...?" he had started uncertainly, starting to remove his hands from where they rested on her waist.

He remembered that Casey had turned her face back up and before he could register what looked like fear in her stare, she had blurted out, "No" and pulled him back to her, kissing him fiercely. The desire he could feel coursing through her fed his own, until his actions became an involuntary haze of skin and sensation. He remembered holding her, lifting her up against the wall as she grabbed at his back and ran her fingers through his hair. He remembered her moaning as he kissed her neck, and thought it was the best sound he'd ever heard. Then he'd tentatively touched her breast and her throaty gasp was even better.

Derek had told himself that it was wrong a million times as he continued to kiss and touch her, but the idea that they were engaging in a forbidden lust had just excited him more. His reservations passed, as did any thought at all, whenever Casey stroked or kissed some part of him. He'd gone so far as to press her delicate body into the bed with his and stopped only when he felt her fingers undoing his pants.

"Casey?" he'd whispered, just centimeters from her mouth.

Her breathing had been harsh and her eyes had shone with both pleasure and greed.

"Derek..." she'd started. Her mouth had come closer as her body arched against him. "I need you."

Derek had moaned with pleasure and then it just... happened. They'd used a condom he had in his wallet, but even with it on, it had felt amazing to be inside of her. And he'd said so at the time, along with a few other pieces of dirty talk that were kind of haunting him now.

_What the hell was I thinking, sleeping with my stepsister?_ _This is insane. This has to be like, illegal or perverse or something. And I... I enjoyed it! _He groaned into his pillow.

"Oh, you're awake," a soft voice sounded from behind him. Derek mumbled a sleepy greeting, though he still kind of wanted to hide. He didn't want to see her and remember how much he'd wanted her. This was too much for this early. Or at least, he figured it was early – he hadn't really wanted to open his eyes and find out. However, after a few moments, he could still sense Casey waiting there expectantly and forced himself to turn around. Even he realized he couldn't hide forever.

Casey stood in the doorway, looking almost shy as she held a fluffy pink robe tightly around her. She was trying to come off as nonchalant, but he knew her better than that.

"I, uh, already took a shower, if you need to get in there," Casey said.

"Yeah, sure. Uh, thanks." Derek swung his feet to the floor and pulled on his boxer shorts. He still wasn't sure how to handle any of this, but there was one thing that was gnawing at him. Best to get it over with. "Uh, Case?" he called as she was walking out.

Casey swung back into the room with a questioning look.

"Mmhmm?" she said, still trying to be brave.

"Was this... I mean... was I… your first?" Derek asked, trying not to look too afraid of the answer.

Casey flushed bright red.

"Yes," she answered, more abruptly than he'd expected.

_Shit. _Derek knew he hadn't forced himself on her, but he still felt like a complete prick. He should've known, and not let them both get so carried away. Derek didn't feel guilty often, but this was pretty serious.

"Listen, Case," he said, "why don't I take us for breakfast or something? My treat." He felt like a moron immediately after he finished the question.

_Yeah, D, omelets for virginity. That's totally fair._

Casey pursed her lips and nodded, which Derek acknowledged. He was approaching her to make his way to the bathroom, when he suddenly felt anxious. Was he supposed to kiss her? What did it mean if he did?

_Oh god, I'm not ready for this! _He muttered something about brushing his teeth when he came close to her, then lamely and clumsily gave her a quick peck on the cheek before rushing into the bathroom.

An emotionally drained and confused Casey collapsed on the edge of the bed. The humiliation of the way she'd acted last night had been catching up to her all morning. What was wrong with her, behaving like some kind of crazed sex slave? What had she thought that would accomplish? Why in the world would she do this to herself?

Casey knew the reason and it sickened her: she still wanted Derek. Despite everything she'd told herself for the past three years, she'd never once stopped wanting him. Not when he became "family," not when he pranked her, not when he trashed her stuff, not ever. She felt completely unhinged when she realized that her anger over those things had a few more levels than she'd originally thought, and this outlet for it had proven too tempting for her.

Casey couldn't help but be disappointed with how weak she'd been last night, succumbing to the first display of interest from Derek. In the brief moments when she had been thinking at all during their grope-fest, she'd rationalized that this would probably be cathartic for her. Derek Venturi would finally be out of her system - she just needed some closure.

_Good plan_, she reflected wryly. Her "catharsis" turned out to be an absolutely heart-wrenching night of ecstasy with a smattering of moments where she felt like she'd die if he ever stopped touching her.

"I knew this wouldn't end well," Casey muttered.

"You ready?" a damp-haired Derek said as he appeared fully dressed at the bedroom door.

Casey looked down at her robe as though woken from a trance. "Uh... five minutes," she said, and slammed the door in his face.

---

Derek found a diner that ended up being walking distance from the house and pulled into the large parking lot. Casey's eyes widened when she saw where they were. Though she'd only been there a few times, the stucco building with yellow trim had been burned into her memory as strongly as its purple neon "Open" sign had burned across the darkness and into the windows of a car one night, several years ago…

"This place okay?" Derek asked, already getting out of the car. Casey wanted to yell or cry, but it was all so surreal, no reaction seemed to be able to escape. She got out of the car and saw Derek staring up at the diner as he waited for her.

"Hey, I think... I think I've been here before," Derek mused.

Casey started to respond, but had to clear her throat before the words would come out right.

"Really? When?"

"Back a few years ago, I had some friends - older guys - they used to come up here some weekends to party." Derek grimaced slightly. "That was a different time," he finished, walking toward the diner entrance.

Casey again felt the urge to shout, but she held it back. She cursed herself for finding her self-control a few hours too late, but this could be the defining moment. She'd waited this long, and if Derek would remember being here, remember her, discover who she was on his own... well, she didn't know what she'd feel, but she wanted him to remember.

They ordered and ate mostly in silence. Casey was too nervous to say much because she wanted him to think about this place and remember without her help. She was also concerned that any projection of her voice would result in choking sobs, as she felt the anxious confusion of the situation building up in her stomach with no outlet, and she dared not give it one. She kept her head down, and thwarted most of Derek's attempts at conversation. The words were all trivial anyway, about TV or some store in Toronto he'd seen while driving. It all began to frustrate her. _Why can't he just do what he's supposed to do and make this all better? Why can't he just know? Can't he see that this is all so painful I can't even breathe?_

Meanwhile, Derek was mistaking her terseness for anger or pain, and kept feeling like shit all over again every time she mumbled or shrugged an answer. Derek was really more the type to gloss over things that went wrong, and try to get back to a clean slate. He was used to making people forgive him with charm, not actual apologies. He should've known this was going to be different. This was more than a broken date or owing a few bucks – this was sex. This was sex with Casey.

He started to wonder, though, what he actually had to apologize for. Yes, he'd been her first, but was it in fact completely devoid of feeling? _Had_ he actually taken something special from her that he shouldn't have? Or was it just that this had affected him so badly that he had to make it go away? _I don't want to figure this out, _he thought in a panic_, I just want it to not be happening_. He would just do his part, and make it go away.

Derek and Casey were just about finished when Derek cleared his throat nervously.

"Listen, Casey, about last night, I want you to know... I mean, I know that I can bug you, a lot, and I know that I never really... " Derek kept searching his mind for the words. He should've planned this better, he thought. "It's just... of everything I've done to you, this thing... taking your..." he stopped and took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry I did that. If I would've known, I think I wouldn't have acted the way I did. If I had been thinking at all, really, I guess I should've..."

Derek looked up from where he'd been fidgeting with his napkin on the table and was suddenly confronted with Casey's expectant stare. It chilled him slightly and his eyes darted around nervously as he stuttered. He just wanted to get himself out of this, find somewhere to escape. Derek Venturi didn't do this, this was too serious; he didn't want to think about this, about anything he felt last night, about Casey, about being her stepbrother...

His mind raced, until finally Derek blurted, "Case, let's just forget about this, okay?"

Casey exploded, only narrowly missing Derek with the hot coffee she shoved down the table in anger before walking out. Derek didn't move to follow her, utterly stunned for a minute. He shook himself out of it and stopped to throw some money on the table before running out to the parking lot. She was about halfway to the car when he caught up. As soon as he touched her, she turned around and shoved him.

"Casey, what the hell?" Derek cried, completely confused.

"Forget?" Casey blew up. "Yeah, you're _good_ at that, aren't you, _Derek_? Let's just _forget_!" She pushed her hands against his chest with every emphasis.

"Case, calm down, I don't -"

Casey cut him off, throwing her arms up wildly while Derek tried to guard himself. He'd never seen her like this, anywhere near this.

"Don't tell me to calm down! I've been doing it for _three YEARS!_" Derek was about to ask what she meant when she spoke again, bitterly. "Look at this, Derek. Look around you, at this parking lot, at the cars, at me! Tell me what you did here when you were fourteen!"

They both stopped, waiting to see what the other would do. Derek was cautious and a little scared, but thought he'd better answer her.

"I got drunk. I was with a girl, in a car..." Derek searched his memory. Casey suddenly came closer, forcing him to look at her.

"Who was she?" she asked quietly.

Derek stared at her. Her eyes were glittering with anger and tears. Reaching back into his mind, he remembered a girl with anger and tears, running away. A brunette with unbelievably soft skin, and nervous breath mixing with his as she said she needed him... Derek's eyes widened and he stepped back.

"Gabrielle," he whispered in shock. "It was you."

A tear raced toward the sardonic smile forming on Casey's lips. She brushed it away as she nodded.

"You did take my virginity, Derek Venturi. But it wasn't last night."


	6. These Scars Remind Me

**Chapter 6 (These Scars Remind Me)**

_Still Saturday_

"Fuck!"

Derek kicked angrily at a discarded can before dropping himself down onto the curb a little ways down from Dennis's house. He ran shaking hands through his hair and hung his head. He'd love to tell Casey that he could remember all the details of that night. He'd love to tell her that he'd spent weeks thinking about "Gabrielle" or trying to find her. He'd love to tell her that he felt anything like she felt back then. But he couldn't.

Casey had driven away from the diner, wanting some time alone to think. Derek had stayed in the parking lot for a while to do the same. He'd stared around him and tried to take it all in, and while some of that night came back to him, it was almost all lost. He cursed himself yet again for being so out of control in the past, trading real interaction for blurry blacked-out memories.

It had started well before the time he met Casey that night; if he remembered his timeline correctly. In fact, he had the vague feeling that it was around then he decided it wasn't worth all the things he was missing, or all the stuff he kept hearing he'd done while drunk. But for the year and a half or so before that, it had felt like a perfect way out.

When the house wasn't shaking with the force of his parents' arguments, it was quivering with the thick tension of their animosity. He knew now that this happened to too many families, but at the time, it felt unfair. Without completely realizing his motives, Derek decided to flout every rule in existence – kind of a "fuck you" to the world that had done this to him. He'd also hoped that concern for him would bring his parents together, but every time they seemed to argue more; so Derek would act even worse, hoping he'd find that breaking point for them.

Then one day, coming in late at night from a party, he heard a noise coming from the kitchen. As he moved toward the stairs, it became clearer. Crying. He stepped quietly through the dining room until he stood right outside the kitchen.

"Abby, don't." His father was pleading, his voice breaking.

"Stop it, George," his mother answered coldly.

"Let's just calm down. I love you."

"I don't care, I can't do this anymore."

More sobbing. Derek walked away then, not being able to deal with another moment of this raw emotion. The next morning, his mother was gone, and a bleary-eyed George had told Derek and Edwin that their parents would be divorcing. Derek had screamed and thrown things, had blamed his father for not being enough of a man, and run out of the house. Privately, he also blamed his mother for being stubborn, for caring too much about herself and not enough about her husband. He also blamed himself, for taking the wrong course of action, but now it was the only thing he had to make him forget.

Meeting up with his friends, he told them what had happened, and they empathized with their own parent divorce stories. He realized then how many screwed up relationships existed and, thinking himself the smartest thirteen-year-old in the world, decided never to commit himself to that kind of potential pain. Instead, he would live for himself only and never let a woman destroy him.

He went through many nights like the one in this parking lot, and built up a small reputation as a womanizer and party guy both in London and Toronto. And then one day, Derek woke up, fourteen years old, dried vomit on his shoulder, on the floor of a strange house, surrounded by kids he had no memory of ever knowing. He felt the looks on him as he rode the bus home, having been deserted by whoever he'd been there with. Old women looked at him contemptuously and the one closest to him covered her nose at his offensive odor. A mother told her child to stop staring at what he later saw was his bloodshot, baggy eyes. And a boy of about twelve seemed to feel bad for him. Derek had shrugged his jacket higher to his face and turned away.

When he walked into the house, his father looked up at him, exhausted. Instead of yelling or crying, George simply turned back to his work and said nothing. Little Marti ran to the top of the stairs to greet him, but suddenly turned away, afraid of him. The haze of anger lifted from Derek's mind, and he realized that he didn't hate anymore. And so, he cleaned himself up and became the Derek that he was now – not destructive, but safely pushing limits and still intent on living life whichever way he chose for himself.

And then George and Nora started dating and he met Casey. She reminded him of everything his mother had been that he blamed for destroying his father and their family: she was stubbornly independent, uncompromising, thought only about her own goals, and could turn cold and caustic at the drop of a hat. And he hated her. As time went on, despite learning more about her and softening towards her, he still held a certain wariness of getting close or emotional with her. Maybe he'd known that something like this would happen if he did. Maybe he'd known that it could never end there.

The walk to Dennis' house had passed in a blur as he ran through all the things that had led him to this point in his life. He realized with some surprise that he'd forgotten why he felt this way about relationships and Casey – it had simply become fact. The truth was he no longer believed Casey was a cold, self-centered woman. The truth was he'd been dropping his guard little by little the whole time. When push came to shove, he knew that they were there for each other.

Derek jumped off the curb, only half-knowing what he was going to do when he got into the house. He could feel he was on the verge of something huge for him, and true to his nature, he let the instinct carry him. He found Casey sitting at the kitchen table, her cheeks shining with drying tears; she didn't acknowledge him. He turned and closed the door gingerly, and the now-quiet and stiff air made him notice an anxious tingling underneath his skin. He sat down across from her, but she still didn't look up.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek asked quietly.

Casey sighed. "I don't know. I mean… I do know, but it's stupid." She took a deep breath. "I wanted you to remember. I wanted some kind of sudden romantic realization, but it never came. And then every time I wanted to tell you, it never felt right, because I couldn't tell you while we were fighting, and then I couldn't tell you while we were getting along, and I couldn't tell you when our family started coming together. And then too much time had passed, and I just felt ridiculous."

Derek was trying to think of a response, but Casey's years of bottled emotion flooded into the silence.

"I know it's stupid, Derek, and I know that no matter how I try to explain how it's felt these last few years, I will never be able to really tell you. There were times I wished I'd never met you, not now or before. There were other times when I couldn't bear the thought of you not being there. But mostly I just wondered what would've happened if…"

"If…?"

"If I hadn't run. If you hadn't driven away," Casey finished the thought, closing her eyes, exhausted. Now that the words were flowing, she wanted to kick herself. She knew that this was more than she should have ever said to Derek. She expected any minute to feel the dust left behind as Derek fled the room screaming.

But instead, she felt his hand on hers. Her eyes flew open, and she found herself facing a smirking Derek.

"Let's find out."

"Excuse me?"

"Let's find out what would have happened if we'd stayed together after that night, Casey."

"Uh, I can tell you what would have happened. We would've both gone on being drunken idiots and failed miserably at life."

Derek groaned. "You're really ruining this, Casey. What I'm trying to say is, let's start over now. Let's take advantage of the time we have right now, alone here, and see if this could work."

Casey's eyes widened. "Are you asking me to… play house with you??"

"Honestly, Casey, I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now. I know that most of me wants to run. But there's something else telling me I need to do this for you –"

"Don't do me any favors," Casey spat out.

"No, no, agggh, nothing's coming out right!" Derek grabbed at his hair. "I want to do this for both of us."

"You want to do this because you think every night is going to be like last night," Casey cut in.

"No night could be like last night!" Derek grinned.

"DER-EK!" Casey yelled, turning bright red. She tried to hide the half-smile forming, but Derek caught it. He took her hand again.

"Casey, listen. I don't blame you for questioning my motives. Hell, you'd be stupid if you didn't. And like I said, I don't really know where I'm going with this, but that's never been a reason for me not to do something before. I figure this can go one of two ways: either we find out we've been doing it right this whole time and go back to fighting, or we find out… something else. And maybe it's good."

Casey was quiet for a minute, and Derek could sense she was still skeptical. He took a deep breath and tried his best to articulate what he was thinking. "The thing is, Case… I've lived my life with certain assumptions for a very long time. I think it's time… to question them."

Casey was so confused. It was what she'd always wanted. She was supposed to be running over to him and melting against him right now. But she couldn't move. She was terrified. If she did this, and something went wrong, she would lose everything that meant anything to her; she'd lose Derek and, silly as it was, she'd lose the romance she'd built up in her head for so long. It would all just be real and hard and cold and she'd never be able to go back and do it again…

"Casey?"

Derek's voice brought her out of her trance, and she snapped her face back up to him looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "I need…" Derek looked at her, his eyes coaxing her to go on. "I need to go upstairs now," she blurted out, and hurriedly got up from her chair.

"Are you SERIOUS?!"

Casey turned back and immediately knew she'd hurt his feelings. She'd already screwed up. "I'm sorry, Derek, I just need to think, I just don't know —" She was tearing up again, and it got worse when she saw Derek get up to leave.

"Fine. You keep thinking, Casey." Derek angrily swiped his keys off the table and headed out the kitchen door, slamming it behind him.

Casey dropped to the floor and sobbed. She couldn't keep thinking; she could only hurt. Several minutes later, she picked herself up slowly, holding her stomach in a vain attempt to assuage the pain, and stumbled to the couch. She threw herself face down into the cushion and screamed.

What had she done? She'd been so desperately afraid to go through the pain of it not working out that she had to immediately destroy it.

_So this is how it ends? This is how the whole goddamn thing ends? _her mind screamed in agony. She kicked and kicked in anger, thinking that if she expended enough energy, maybe she could change something.

She became aware suddenly of the crunching beneath her feet, and realized she'd been beating the hell out of her applications. She reluctantly sat up to salvage them, choking back sobs, trying to calm herself down. A tear dropped onto one of the papers that had been nearly ripped in half. She leaned down to smooth it away and involuntarily read the essay question underneath it through her blurred vision.

"_Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Write about a time that you did or did not take a risk, and how it affected you."_

--

Now mid-afternoon, Derek found himself in a back corner of the diner parking lot, the only place he could think to stop. He slammed his fists against the steering wheel until they became nearly numb.

He had been more open with Casey than he'd ever been with anyone. He'd thought for just one second that maybe, maybe, he was wrong not to risk real feeling. He'd trusted that Casey would believe in him; that she'd grown to understand the things he couldn't say. But he'd been wrong. He felt an odd sinking pain in his chest, and leaned back against the seat.

He didn't understand why this was hurting so much. Derek didn't often get rejected - outside of last night - but he knew that it never really felt like this. This was the pain he'd never wanted. The pain of being left by someone he --

"DEREK!"

The shout was followed by the sound of screeching tires. Derek's head shot up. Casey was screeching through the parking lot, practically tilting the car to a wheelie position, until she stopped abruptly next to his car. Derek climbed out of the car in a panic.

"Casey, what the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to kill us both?!" he shouted as she hurriedly unbuckled herself and leaped from the car into his arms.

"No, I'm trying to save us both."

"What do you mean?" Derek said, his heart still racing with fear.

"I mean let's do it," she said, her voice muffled against his neck. "I mean I don't run. And you don't drive away."

Derek held her as tightly as he could, a breath he didn't know he held escaping against her hair. The pain was gone as though erased by her body pressed against his. In its place was relief, excitement, and maybe even happiness. He held her face in his hands and kissed her without reservation. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. He knew that tomorrow, their fears would come back. But he also knew there was no one he'd rather fight them with.


End file.
